I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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