I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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