Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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