she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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