Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
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There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
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What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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