I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
