Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize