i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You brought string cheese to the strip club
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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