I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
