We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
