I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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