I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just pee around me
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Randomize
