I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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