I'm really into asian looking animals
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
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