my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
