the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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