you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
