Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
