I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
