Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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