Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Who died my cat blue again?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
