WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
