My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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