When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize