one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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