She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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