are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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