You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
