I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
