Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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