my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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