He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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