I wish I could punch you in the face.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
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3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
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I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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