All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
