I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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