So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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