i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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