he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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