We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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