# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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