dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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