um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
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Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
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I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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