I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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