I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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