Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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