Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
