you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
