Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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