I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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