I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
