I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
It was confusing and full of hummus
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
