ugly people sure do ruin things
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
