Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
