I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
