Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
