I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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