We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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