Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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