Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
