oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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