I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
